I went running for the first time in a very long time on Monday. And I’m so embarrassed and ashamed to say that because I’m supposed to be training for the Nike Women’s Half Marathon with Team in Training. I want to run that half more than anything for blood cancer patients/survivors, and also myself. But if I’m being honest, I don’t think I’m ready. These last few months have been tough mentally, emotionally and physically. I allowed myself to get so overwhelmed and stressed, that my physical fitness became an after-thought. I would think about it and then immediately push it aside before it made me too upset. There were days when I wanted to go for a run, but I couldn’t pick myself up off the couch to go outside. Has that ever happened to you? Your life is pushing down on you so hard that you don’t have the energy to push back? And then you start feeling guilty for not pushing back, so you just give up altogether?
Thankfully, the moment I realized what was happening, I had the drive to change it. It might be too late to get ready for the half marathon, but I can start training now for the next TNT event. I may have gained some of the weight I lost before, but I can lose it again. And my life definitely isn’t perfect right now, but I finally have the energy and the confidence to start putting it back together again. And that’s all I really need to start.